Monday, February 01, 2010

Child Development - Don and Hing Style

Here's some tips and techniques that Hing and I practiced. I mean it with the best intentions.

1. We never spanked. Never. We feel that strongly that there is absolutely NO time when it's appropriate for anyone to hit a child or shake. Especially if you were hit as a child.

2. We used the word NO sparingly. Trying not to make their first word that they learn is NO. Instead we told them DANGER (like sticking fingers in an electrical outlet), HOT (like putting hands on the stove) or redirected them to do something else. But this technique is more effective if you insert yourself into the situation. What we mean by that is when you say DANGER you put your hand in front of the wall socket or fireplace or hot stove. Keep saying DANGER or HOT until the message is understood.

3. We noticed that many parents are using the counting technique to motivate your children. Children love a good race and when you count to three slowly, they will always stop doing the bad behavior before you get to three. The technique is let your child know exactly what you want them to do and start counting slowly - One, Two. . . You'll never get to three because kids don't want to loose.

4. Almost every night we read a story to them. We know that you cannot read every night because it's just impossible for you to do it. Make it a part of the bedtime routine, that your children will miss it and insist (beg) for you it. You'll be amazed at how well your child will do in school once you start reading to them.

5. Manners - Lead by example, after every burp, sneeze, or fart say excuse me. Insist that the words *Please* and *Thank You*be used. Don't stop - ever.

6. We insisted that we, friends and relatives never buy guns for our children. But as they got older, we allowed nurf guns. The less violent behavior should be promoted.

7. There is a rule to follow about your never ending love for your child. We're very serious about this one. Sometime in your child's development, you will be challenged. He or she may say "I hate you"or after a episode of bad behavior, your child might say, "I love you". If you ignore your child, the message you sent to your child is that you didn't love your child at that moment. Unfortunately, you never stopped loving your child. What you did, unintentionally, was to reject your child . Your silence can be very damaging. Rejection brings insecurity and you don't want your child to be insecure. What you should have said is - "I love you too but right now I am disappointed with your behavior..." We think that is more effective, don't you?

8. Don't play a video game or Facebook for more than an hour. Take a time out to check on the kids or ask if your spouse needs assistance. Video games or Facebook can suck the life out of a person. Ask yourself if you could be outside, what would you do with the your child like to do?

9. Believe it or not, we didn't allow the kids to drink soda until they were out of diapers. Especially your child is over weight. Also, eat at mealtime and avoid unhealthy snacking during the day. Lead by example. If your child won't eat vegetables, try to give he or she vitamins.

10.This applies to babies that are less than six months old. Never let your infant cry and you ignore your infant. Our rule is "you cannot SPOIL a infant". If you come immediately to your child, your child will become a very confident child. By you coming to comfort your child will make your child a loved infant and your infant will know that he or she can count on you to come to rescue when he or she is in distress.

11. Finances - Never get in debt (except for mortgage and if you want to buy a car). When you get the credit card bill, always pay the full amount. If you don't have the money, why did you buy it? If you need help, seek professional guidance. Never spend beyond your means.